Conservative car review: 2014 Volkswagen Passat

Editor’s Note: Sorry I haven’t posted in a while. I’ve been too busy arguing with Liberal Obamabots about the stupid health care law that’s sinking our nation, plus trying to figure out how to make a living when the Democraps want to take 85% of my paycheck and giving it to the trial lawyers and welfare mammas who got them elected. Maybe I should renounce my citizenship and sign up for AFDC so Obama will give me free food, free rent, and a free phone. Anyway, look for more God-fearing Conservative car content coming soon! — Phil

Volkswagen Passat dumbed down for Liberal America

Volkswagen Passat: Dumbed down for Liberal America

Fritz’s family car for ze dumkopf Americans

by Philip Uvschidt

There are a lot of people who expected me to like the new Volkswagen Passat because it’s built in America. And not just anywhere in America, but in the heart of the God-fearing South.

You’d be surprised how many “American” cars are actually built by drug dealers and beer-swilling socialists. Oops, sorry, I meant to say “built in Mexico and Canada.” I guess my Politically Correct blog filter isn’t working properly today. Sorry, Obama.

Yes, it is worthy of note that the Passat is built in Tennessee, at a plant not yet poisoned by the cancer of the UAW (not yet, anyway, though the union leeches are certainly putting in very expensive overtime to make that happen).

But has anyone forgotten where the money for those Passats is going? Let’s remember that Volkswagen is a GERMAN company and the money goes to GERMANY. I’ve never been to Germany, but my granddad flew over it a few times back in the 1940s.

So the Passat is a German car pretending to be an American car. Boy, won’t that make the liberals happy! They can wrap themselves in the flag and still be as pretentious as they want to be. (One wonders if having their nose so far in the air will make it bleed, and if so, is that covered under Obamacare?)

Simplified for stupid Americans

Simplified for stupid Americans

The Passat isn’t a bad car; it’s somewhat plain looking on the outside and overly simple on the inside, which makes perfect sense since the Communists Liberals have taught their idols the Socialists the Europeans to believe that all Americans are lazy and stupid. Lazy, stupid and fat, which explains the Passat’s big back seat. The trunk is sized for all those AK-47s the propagandists say we haul around all the time. (If only they knew the truth. My Desert Eagle fits quite nicely into the glovebox of my Ford F-150.)

The big news for 2014 is a new 1.8 liter 4-cylinder turbocharged engine, which replaces the 2.5 liter 5-cylinder the Passat has been using since 2012. I don’t trust turbo engines. Granddad had one on his 1985 Dodge 600 and it gave him nothing but trouble. (I told him not to buy one of those little front-wheel-drive crap boxes. He eventually came to his senses and bought a Dodge Diplomat. Still a Chrysler, but at least it had a 318 V8 that we could work on without tweezers and a magnifying glass.)

The Passat was perfectly fine with the big, simple 2.5 liter engine, but of course that motor didn’t get good enough gas mileage for Obama and his lefty liberals, so VW had to replace it with this over-complicated piece of junk. Nice going, Obama.I bet you were hoping your subjects supporters would give you all the gas money they saved to pay for Obamacare, but instead they’re going to have to spend it on repairs. But hey, at least the money goes to a hard-working VW mechanic and not those evil Republican fat cats who run Big Oil.

How do you spell disaster? T-u-r-b-o

How do you spell disaster? T-u-r-b-o

A week with the Passat made me wonder why people get so excited about Kraut cars. The Passat is okay, but it’s not the second coming that those Macintosh-loving liberals make it out to be. There’s not one single thing it does better than a real domestic car like the Chevrolet Malibu. But the Malibu is American, so clearly it must be inferior.

Funny, back in the ’40s the Krauts thought the same thing about Americans being inferior. My granddad and his “associates” sure set them right.

DRIVING ON THE RIGHT VERDICT:

If you want to send your money to a former enemy of this country in exchange for a mediocre set of wheels, the Volkswagen Passat is the car for you… but don’t be surprised when English becomes this country’s second language.

CopyRIGHT © 2013 Driving On The Right. All RIGHTs reserved… and protected by Smith & Wesson.

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2 thoughts on “Conservative car review: 2014 Volkswagen Passat

  1. By the way, Phil…. Uvschidt sounds pretty German to me. I know you can`t help it, but at least my ancestors are from Britain instead, the land of drooling liberal idiots who never make the right decision; but also the land of RANGE ROVERS and Aston Martins and cars like Lotuses and Caterhams that if you drive them wrong, they will unapologetically kill you; unlike these “NHTSA“ approved massive sluggish SUV-wannabe melted-minivan “CUV“ mommy-mobiles like Highlanders and X5s and Mercedes GMLK-Klasses.

  2. Pingback: Conservative car review: 2015 Volkswagen Golf | Driving on the Right

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